Many people don’t want to feel alone so they get stuck in the wrong relationships.
How do you know if a relationship is toxic? Here are Seven(7) pointers:
1) If you are the only one giving and not receiving and even vice versa: Every relationship is a give-and-take. And it’s wrong when any of the two occurs on only one side. If you don’t gain anything from your relationship (not necessarily material stuff), it is toxic.
2) Only bad news is being shared with you:
When your friend withholds good news from you and keeps sharing only sad stories from their everyday life, it’s a sign of toxicity. At first, you may not think anything of it, but with time, you’ll find out that you are in a worse state than you were in because you carry someone’s burden regularly without any good news. This can affect your thoughts, minds and gradually, your emotions. If you find yourself in this situation, please direct your friend to the cross of Calvary and run!
3) When your friend consciously makes you feel inferior: This is self-explanatory. Any friend who makes you question yourself at every turn is not a good one. A friend is meant to support you and make you see the best parts of yourself, not make you suffer from inferiority complex.
4) When your values, ideas and motives are not respected: When your friend disregards those things that make you you, and doesn’t want to hear about your dreams and ideas, then it’s a very obvious sign of a toxic relationship.
5) When your privacy is not respected and every of ‘mine’ becomes ‘ours’: “Whatever I have is yours”, ”I can take whatever I want, I mean we’re friends turned sister right?”. . . Yeah yeah yeah!! Everyone has boundaries. If your friend doesn’t feel obliged to respect your boundaries and privacy, then it’s not right. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, a good friend knows those lines.
6) When there’s no real support: This is the area you need friends the most. When you want to do something or talk to your friend after something bad happens, and there are no real pillars to make you stand tall and strong, you may break (depending on your kind of person). The value of supportive friends cannot be overemphasized.
7) Evil vices:- maltreatment, backbiting, envy and jealousy, deceit, withholding necessary things, ideas or information when due, stealing, hypocrisy, telling lies, ego and pride and so on are also very poisonous in relationships.
If you notice any of these in your relationship with anybody (romantic or otherwise) then it’s toxic because the essence of friendship isn’t being justified.
But relax! You can fix things up. How?
Firstly, you can take a bold step by walking up to the friend and explaining things to her. Or seek a well trusted third party (advisably, counsellors).
If it doesn’t work, then do yourself a favour by leaving that relationship. It’s not good for your health and your personal growth.
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